literature

Stay the Night

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carmennge's avatar
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Literature Text

Sleep, my perfection
and I too will shut my eyes
like the moon mourns the light of day
so it can slip away
into a union with the sky.

Then the stars will wink at us from above,
privy to our not-so secret love,
and our slumber will resemble
the softest of waves as they tumble
into each other with unbridled joy.

As chilled air seeps into our shared dreams,
we will nuzzle up and burrow deep,
inhaling the scent of the freshly laundered
before the hours are quickly squandered
by a sun that swiftly draws the night away.

Yet fear not, my love
for we have learnt to allay the dawn--
when it cajoles the night to retreat,
we smuggle the stars in cottony sheets
and covet the moon with our kisses.

And the night will never feel as young
as when our bliss has sung
the lyrics of a life now lived as one.
This poem took me days and drained my nights of sleep but now I'm ready to let it see the light Smiley soleil - Sun 

Heartfelt thanks to :iconaccuracy0: for inspiring this :yayay: - NaNoEmo 24/30 + Plz 
© 2014 - 2024 carmennge
Comments12
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prettyflour's avatar

Hey there,

 

Prettyflour here on behalf of :iconpoeticalcondition: with the critique you requested.

 

I think you picked a great title- it hints at romance which the poem delivers but it also speaks to the other major content of the poem- sun vs moon- day vs night.  There is a wonderful mix between these two things and it’s the very thing that makes this poem so successful.

 

Having said that, you also did quite well with the rhyming and flow and the vocabulary lends a beautiful imagery to the poem. I very much enjoyed this!  Thanks so much for sharing you words.